jokes....jokes...jokes..........

[Texas_Bugman]

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an
hour, when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him,
grabs his drink, and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy
starts crying.

"Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time," the truck driver says.
"I can't stand to see a man crying.

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I
can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important
meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my
car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I grabbed a cab home but,
after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home
I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to
this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and
then you show up and drink the damn poison."

[Texas_Bugman]

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte
Casino went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man
said, "Father ... during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my
door and asked me to hide her from the enemy.

So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son!
And you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with
sexual favors every day and twice on weekends."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger.
However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act
that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed
forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. ...But I do have one
more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

....."Should I tell her the war is over?"

[Texas_Bugman]

Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway offramp.



Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and

has a lot of money to send.



Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.



Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of

$10 bills every day.



Jose says, "Look at your sign. It reads: I have no work, a

wife & 6 kids to support"



Carlos looks at Jose's sign.

It reads: I only need another $10.00 to move back to

Mexico.