Diet For Stress

[Trooper Dave]

DIET FOR STRESS: This diet is designed to help you cope with the
stress that builds up during the day.
Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk
Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom, and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars
Late Evening Snack:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
Additional Rules for this Diet:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do
not eat more than they do.
3. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
4. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
5. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you
are in the process of preparing something.
6. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due
to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
7. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories
since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and
will cling to his/her plate.
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.