Old Ladies

[CHRISK]

Subject: Two Old Ladies



Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the
beach?"


An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her
hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman
approached her and said:

"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know
that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this
hat."

"But, mam you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the
gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir,
anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
yesterday!


Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated
with
her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a
penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger
and
cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could
buy for
a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I
remember the guy you're talking about."