Thursday lols

[14inches]

Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
Each with a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents;
Do you think they went for water?

A nurse is a pan handler.

Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping, and an old lady approaches him and says, "What's wrong, honey?" The little boy replies between sobs, "My Grandma passed away this morning." "I'm so sorry to hear this," says the kind old lady. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley?" "No," replies the boy. "Sex is the last thing I have in mind."

Sales for Viagra are way down. I guess all those old guys finally figured out that sex with an old woman is not worth $20.

Jack left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee. She looked so good that he quietly tiptoed up behind her, reached out, and squeezed her left tit. "Just leave one quart of milk," she said. "Jack won't be here for breakfast tomorrow."

Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

An astronaut discovered life on the dark side of the moon. When he got out of the module, he saw a light in a cave not too far away. He went to investigate and discovered the cave was an entrance to an underground city populated with people appearing identical to earth people except for the women's breasts on their backs instead of their chests. When the inhabitants saw him they threw a party to welcome him to the moon. At a press conference on returning to earth, a reporter asked if he thought that the women looked strange. He said, "Yes, but they sure are nice to dance with."

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt. Do you think I should change dentists?

A woman sought help from her doctor. "All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him," she said. "And he's right too. I have no desire at all." The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks. After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office. "Those pills were great Doctor, I'm doing it twice a night now, sometimes even three times." "That's wonderful," said the doctor, "What does you husband say now?" "I don't know, Doctor," she replied. "He has been away on a business trip for the past two weeks.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Blondes don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in Jacuzzis

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant." "But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes." "Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."

Have you heard about that blind hooker? You?ve gotta hand it to her!