Wednesday lols

[14inches]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill?s now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.

SECRETARY - A stenographer who watches her periods
.
A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant." "But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes." "Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."

Why do men fall asleep immediately after sex? So women can masturbate and finish the job off properly!

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge... "Was it my friend Sam", he demanded. "No!" his weeping wife replied. "Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked. "NO!!!" she said even more upset. "Well, which of my no good friends did this then?!" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.

I?m not saying she?s easy, but her pantyhose has a pet door.

The pretty young schoolteacher was concerned about one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Victor, wily has your schoolwork been so poor lately?" "I can't concentrate," replied the lad. "i think i've fallen in love." "Is that so?" said the teacher, holding back an urge to smile. "and with whom?" "With you," he answered. "But Victor," exclaimed the secretly pleased young lady, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday, but not a child!" "Oh, don't worry," said Victor reassuringly. "I'll be careful.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt. Do you think I should change dentists?

Dear Rick Perry and Michelle Bachmann: I would like to point out religion is like a penis, it is nice to have a religion, and certainly okay to be proud of your religion. However it is not appropriate to wave it around seductively in public, and downright disgusting to try cramming it down peoples throats.

Bungee jumping and hookers have in common both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

George said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten dollars that we could have the best sex that you have ever had without me touching you." "You're nuts," she said, "here is ten dollars that says you can't do that!" They put the money on the mantelpiece. That night George and Mary proceeded to have sex. Reluctantly, Mary had to admit that it was the best sex that she could remember. The next morning she exclaimed, "Well, it may have been the best sex i've ever had. But you did nothing but touch me!" George gave Mary the ten dollars and departed with these words, "So i lose."

"You look sad, Fred, what's the trouble?" asked Bill. "Domestic trouble." "But you're always bragging that your wife is a pearl," says Bill. "She really is," replies Fred. It's the mother-of-pearl that's giving me trouble!"