Naughty limericks

[14inches]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
old Rover drove her,
Cause Rover had a bone of his own.




There was an old couple named Kelly
Who went through life belly to belly
For it seems in their haste,
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly





There was a man from Boston
who bought himself an Austin.
There was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas
but his balls hung out and he lost them.





There was a man from Thames
who delighted in foolhardy games.
He lit a match to his girlfriends snatch
and laughed as she pissed in the flames.





There was a man from Khartoum
who took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
over who had the right
to do what, for how much and to whom.





There once were three ladies of Birmingham.
Have you heard of the scandal concerning 'em?
They lifted the frock and played with the cock
of the bishop--while he was confirming 'em!
Now the biship was nobody's fool. (He was raised in a good public school !)
So he lowered his britches
and buggered those bitches
with his ten inch Episcopal tool!






Then a woman who was in the third pew
said something that made the biship turn blue:
"The vicar is quicker
and slicker and thicker
and longer and stronger than you!"





There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a screwing machine.
Concave or convex,
It would do either sex,
But oh what a bastard to clean.



The sea captain's tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels,
Had discovered a dark place to hide




There once was a pirate named Gates
Who thought he could rumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
And now he is nutless
And practically worthless on dates.


There once was a lass from Madrass
Who had a magnificent ass
Not rounded and pink

as you probably think
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.




Nick the prick had a forty foot dick,
He showed it to the lady next door.
She thought it was a snake,
And hit it with a rake,
And now it's only four foot four.