Some Adult Limericks

[14inches]

Some Adult Limericks




Here lie the bones of screwy dick,
At birth he was blessed with a corck screw prick,
His life, he spent

in the futile hunt,
To find the girl with a cork screw cunt.

[Well, he finally found her,

then fell dead;

the bitch had a left hand thread.]







There once was a couple named Kelly,
They found them stuck belly to belly,
Because, in they're haste,
They had grabbed up the paste
Instead of the petroleum jelly.







There once was a man from bostin,
He bought him a baby Austin,
There was room for his ass,
And a gallon of gas
But, his balls fell out and he lost um.







There once was a young nimpho named Alice,
who used a dynamite stick for a phallus,
They found her vagina

in South Carolina,
and bits of her ass about Dallas.







There once was a young girl named Alice,
Who pissed in a katholic chalice,
But, it wasn't for relief,

or religious belief,
It was pure presbyterian malice.







There once was a man from Trent,
Whose dick was so long that it bent,
So, to save himself trouble,
He stuck it in doubled
And instead of coming, he went.







There once was a woman from St Paul,

who went to a news paper ball.
Her dress caught on fire,

and burned her intire,

frount page, sports section and all.







There once was a woman from Wooster,

who dreamed a handsom young man had seduced her.

She awoke to find,

it was all in her mind,

just a lump in the matrice had goosed her.!







There once was a woman named Crass,

who had a fantastic ass.

Not pretty and pink,

as you probably think,

it had long ears, hee hawed, and ate grass.







Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Each had a dollar and a quarter.
Jill came back

with two and a half,

and they didn't go up for water.







There once was a man from Nantuckit,

who's cock was so long, he could suck it.

He said, with a grin,

as he pissed on his chin,

if my ass was a cunt, I could fuck it.!







On the boobies of a hooker named Gale,

was written the price of her tale,

and on her behind,

for the sake of the blind,

was written the same info in braille.







There once was a fellow named Crass.

Who had two balls of brass.
In stormy weather

they'd clang together,

and lightning would shoot out of his ass.!















Said the Duke to the Duchess of Dray,

it's been one hell of a day.
4 cherry tarts,

3 ass ripping farts,

2 shits and a roll in the hay.







There once was a fellow O'Doole
Who found little red spots on his tool
His Doctor a cynic
said Get out of me clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick you fool!







There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil






There was a man from Belgrave
Who found a dead whore in a Cave
I know it's disgusting
But all she needed was a dusting,
And think of the money he'd Save.

[14inches]

There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut 'crost her vagina.
From the love-making frock,
(with the proper sized cock,)
Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.


A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
"How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, dinna budge --
Just the same as she acted in life."


An exotic young lady named Suki,
Once danced in a troupe of kabuki,
When asked for a Fuck,
he said, "Solly, no luck...
See here: looky looky, no nuki "


There was a young man of Devises,
Whose balls were of different sizes.
His tool when at ease,
Hung down to his knees,
Oh, what must it be when it rises!


There once was a lady from Thrace,
Who's corset no longer would lace,
Her mother said "Nellie,
There's more in your belly,
Than ever went in through your face."


An upt ight young lady named Breerley
Who valued her morals too dearly
Had sex, so I hear,
Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.




A guy with his girl in a Fiat
Said, "Where on earth is my key at?"
As he started to seek
She let out a shriek
"THAT'S not where it's likely to be at!"




In days of old,
When knights were bold
And women weren't particular
They used to stand
Against the wall
And do it perpendicular !





Clinton says"I love Hollywood!
I've helped every star that I could!
So let's have a big hand
For Chief Justice Streisand
Who, by the way, gives head real good!"




There once was a bishop from Clyde
Who fell in the privy and died
His brother the vicar
did also but quicker
and now they're interred side by side




The old archeologist Trostle,
Found a most wonderous fossil.
He declared-by the way it did bend
and the knob on the end
twas the penis of Paul the Apostle



The codfish lays ten thousand eggs,
The homely hen lays o ne.
The codfish never cackles,
To tell you what she's done.
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize.
[Which only goes to show you,
That it pays to advertise.]