Saturday lols

[14inches]

What is 6.9? A good thing screwed up by a period.

Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with
his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad' he
sighed. 'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.
'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow
job I've ever had.' 'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it
is just lust.' The next night Little Johnny came in after his date,
and sat down again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love,
dad.' he said. 'What makes you think that it is true love this time?'
asks his dad. 'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the
best blow job of my life, then let me take her up the ass!' 'That's
not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation. '
'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?'
asked Little Johnny, confused. 'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true
love, she would let you fuck her up the ass first, then give you the
best blow job of your life!'

An inventive woman wired up her vibrator to her bedside radio, and
came up with the world's first radio alarm cock!

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year
later, he was in court filing for a divorce. "OK," the judge said,
"Tell the court why you want a divorce." "Well, your honor," Dan
started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a
visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every
once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake." "Surely
there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said.
"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I
want the divorce."

I'm glad I'm not bisexual; I couldn't stand being rejected by men as
well as women.

Things weren't going too well for the husband business- wise and he
got his wife an imitation tennis bracelet, instead of the real one she
wanted for their anniversary. "I hope you understand sweetheart, but
you can pretend it's real." "Fine!" she said pouting, "And tonight in
bed, you can pretend I'm there under you."

Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

My friend Felix is still out there job hunting. He says he always has
a problem when filling out the job application and gets to the part
about 'Sex: F or M.' He says he never knows which to choose -- He says
he really likes to Fuck, but he spends most of the time alone
Masterbating.

Intercourse doesn't happen on a highway.

Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom.
"I'm renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a new dress, and
I've reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in town," she
said. Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn't spend
that much on my wedding." My friend answered, "I can have three or
four weddings. But a prom you do only once.."

If she says she's into "bondage," don't show her your financial
portfolio.

I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different
cars, take separate vacations, work different shifts, have their own
computers, and even have their own ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and
Home Pages. Each has their own fuck-buddy, They say they're doing
everything they can to keep their marriage together.

Tampax today introduced its newest product, a vibrating tampon. That
way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced
him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen here good
looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in
the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting
down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I've been
doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it." Eyes now
wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What
firm are you with?"

BRIDGE PLAYERS don't need a partner, if they have a good hand

The tour bus traveling through northern Nevada passed briefly at the
Mustang Ranch, near Sparks. The guide noted, "We are now passing the
largest house of prostitution in America." A male passenger shouted
"WHY?!?"