Sunday lols

[14inches]

Dave sent his wife a message that he'd be home a day earlier than
planned. Arriving at the house, he discovered his wife in bed with
another man. Bitterly, Dave kicked them out of the house, and started
to plan a course of action. His thoughts were interrupted by a call
from his soon to be ex-mother- in- law. She believed that there was no
doubt a good explanation for her daughter's behavior. Dave told her to
buzz off. The next day his mother-in-law called again. "Didn't I tell
you?" she said. "Didn't I tell you there was an explanation? I just
got through talking to your wife. She never got your e-mail! It's all
YOUR fault!"

A man who goes to bed with diarrhea wakes up in deep shit.

One day a man and his wife were watching their son playing with Army
soldiers, when they heard him say, "Look, daddy, the green soldiers
just blew the hell out of the tan soldiers." Shocked, the wife tells
the boy to go to his room, and think about what he just said. A few
minutes later the husband says to his wife, "How about me and you play
soldiers and you can blow the hell out of me?"

Become an amateur gynecologist. Look up a friend today.

I was talking to a friend of mine, and he told me that he's been
married a little over four years and was celebrating his 'Wooden'
anniversary. I asked what a 'wooden' anniversary was. He said, "I
asked her to give me a blow job and she wooden.

What's all the fuss about same-sex marriages? I've been married for
years, and I keep having the same sex.

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How
long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion, she
answered...' Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
alive.'

The difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo is that at a
straight rodeo they yell "ride them suckers!"

A happily married man, one night, asked his wife to have sex "doggy
style.""No!" she said, aghast. Throughout their long relationship, he
would periodically ask her to have sex "doggy style." She always
emphatically said "No!" Finally, on the man's deathbed, he asked his
wife why she refused his simple request to have sex on her hands and
knees." Hands and knees?" she said, "I thought you meant in the front
yard!"

While on a date in a dark movie theatre, Mary Jane's date slipped his
hand down her bra. Mary Jane just laughed and laughed. She knew she
kept her money hidden in her shoe.

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's
surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously "Is
there a problem?" The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his
eyes, "I'm afraid so... I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and
we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy." The patient is
devastated and shockingly replies, "Do you mean to say I'll never
experience another erection?" The surgeon pauses for a moment then
says, "Well, you might, but it won't be yours."

A woman walked into her friend's office. She found her friend sitting
at her desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?," she
asked. "Oh, it's my husband," replied the woman. "He's hired a new
secretary for me and he's male." "Well, nothing wrong in that," she
said, "Is he talk, dark and handsome?" "Yup... and he's gay."

Man to woman: "If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting
head tonight?" (Robert Ford)

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied, 'No doctor, but the song
you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'