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Old 04-02-2009, 08:48 PM
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Ole and Lena

Old Ole was in bed dying. Downstairs he could hear Lena rattling pots and pans. Pretty soon he could smell the sweet smell of potato lefse wafting up from downstairs. And Ole thought, "Oh, my darling Lena, she's making me potato lefse for my last meal before I pass on."

Ole could hardly wait as the smell kept getting stronger and stronger. But Lena, she never came upstairs, even though Ole thought the lefse should be ready by now. So, with the last of his strength, old Ole rolled outta bed. He crawled across the bedroom floor. He crawled down the stairs, real careful. He crawled across the parlor floor. He could see Lena's skirt swishin' by the stove.

Old Ole was nearly delirious by now, so he made his way across the kitchen floor and started clawing his way up the stove. But Lena slapped his hand with a spoon and said:

"Ole! That's for the funeral!"
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:49 PM
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So old Ole finally died. Lena had to go to the newspaper office to get his obituary written. She went up to the lady behind the desk and said she needed an obituary for Ole. The lady said, "What should it say?" So Lena, worrying about how much it might cost, said simply, "Ole died."

But the lady behind the desk said, "Well, Lena, you know, you get five words for free." So Lena sat down to think. And she thought and thought and thought. Finally she went back up to the desk and said:

"Ole died. Boat for sale."
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:51 PM
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The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:52 PM
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Olaf & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands "Vhere dit yew git dat monster??"
"Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."
"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.
"Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle box," says Olaf.
"Could I see him?"
So Olaf opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the genie. Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?"
"Yes, I will," says the genie.
So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million ducks... flying overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf. "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:55 PM
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Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers. Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?" he asked. "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas."
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:56 PM
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One morning Ole woke up to find Lena had died. Ole called the operator. "My wife Lena has died." he said. The operator said "Oh. I'm so sorry to hear that. We can send over an ambulance for her. Where do you live?" Ole replied "On Eucalyptus Street". The operator asked "Can you spell that for me?" Ole said "No. Why don't I just haul her down to Oak St?"
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:58 PM
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Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride, heading to Minneapolis. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. "No," replied Lars. "Vell don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
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