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Old 03-21-2009, 07:32 PM
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Adult Over the edge



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX OVER THE EDGE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX

The Navy Invented Sex

A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over
which was the superior service.

After a swig of beer the Marine says, 'Well, we had Iwo Jima.'

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, 'We had the Battle of
Midway.

'Not entirely true', responded the Marine. 'Some of those pilots
were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was
named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.'

The sailor responds, 'Point taken.'

The Marine then says, 'We Marines were born at Tunn Tavern!'

The sailor, nodding agreement, says, 'But we had John Paul Jones.'

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he
thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says,
'The Navy invented sex!'

The Marine replies, 'That is true, but it was the Marines who
introduced it to women.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX OVER THE EDGE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX

When a man climbs on a woman, he hasn't long to stay,
His mind is full of nonsense, his ass is full of play.
He climbs on like a lion, and rolls off like a lamb.
And when he zip's up his pants he isn't worth a damn.
His sporting days are over, his light is burning out,
What used to be his sex appeal, is now a water spout.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX OVER THE EDGE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX
Real fact:

General Patton, during a wargame at West Point, used a "creative"
move to win the game but was told it was impossible.

He actually got to use the very same move during the Battle of the
Bulge.

He wrote on the Map showing where and how it worked and sent
it back. It read, "I told you it would fucking work!"

It is now proudly on display at West Point.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX OVER THE EDGE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX

THE FLY

O, sweet slight friend
Who frolics free
O'er cactus plain
Or sandy lee,

No one can lonely
Long remain
While hearkening to
Thy blithe refrain

When meal time comes
Thy friendly face
Is everywhere about
The place.

You taste the coffee
Eat oatmeal
And from the cakes the
Syrup steal.

And though we know that
You have been
On the hot turds
In some latrine,

And while you sipped
The dainties there
You gathered germs in
Your long hair,

To spread them
Wantonly upon
Each dainty meat
Or new baked bun.

Still, we can't blame you
For we know
That all we eat
To shit will go.

And after meals
When we would feign
Seek Morpheus' arms
From labor pain,

You gently break
Our sweet repose
By deftly fucking
In our nose.

Our ears and mouths
You then explore
And leave there
Pus from some old sore.

Then when at night
You needs must sleep
Onto our tented
Roofs you creep.

And when the Witching
Hour has come
Your dainty farts
Pervade the gloom,

While like the dews
From heaven fall
Your tiny turds
So round and small.

And if in battle
We should die
Around us first
Would swarm the fly.

You'd do your best
To ease the pain
And swarm around
Each oozing vein.

Yes, in memoria to
A friend
A hundred thousand
Eggs you'd lend.

And as through maggots
Sent by you
Our gruesome corpse
More gruesome grew.

You'd swarm in myriads
Feasting high
You'd hum our dirge
You goddamned fly!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX OVER THE EDGE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX

There was a young German named Ringer
Who was screwing an opera singer.
Said he with a grin,
"Well, I've sure got it in!"
Said she, "You mean that ain't your finger?"
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Old 03-21-2009, 08:34 PM
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Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem". The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.

They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry. "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.

They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is
too fockin' dangerous for me"
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Old 03-21-2009, 08:35 PM
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PART TWO

A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.

Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider"
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Old 03-21-2009, 08:36 PM
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PART THREE

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself of the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin' hen gliding"
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Old 03-21-2009, 08:49 PM
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