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Old 03-20-2009, 11:00 PM
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This year's worst puns...

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:02 PM
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a-head."

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother
telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:02 PM
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A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes in-verse.

In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:03 PM
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one doctor ain't enuff
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some very good groaners in that bunch tex
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LOL Mischief the drinks are on me for creating this smokin' gif.....
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:07 PM
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After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road

'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.'

Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'

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A man went into a bar after work and ordered a beer.

The barman placed his beer on the bar alongside a bowl of nuts.

As he started drinking his beer, he heard a female voice saying seductively, 'You've got nice hair'.

The man looked all around him but couldn't see where the voice came from. A minute later he heard the same voice saying, 'You are a handsome man.' The man was really puzzled by this so he asked the barman what was going on.

The barman replied, 'It's the nuts - they're complimentary.'
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