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Old 03-16-2009, 12:07 PM
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E Some Irish Chuckles

Q: What do you call an Irishman who is constantly bouncing off the walls?
A: Rick O'Shea.

Q: How do you get an Irishman to climb on the roof?
A: Tell him that the drinks are on the house

Q. What do you call an Irish queer?
A. A Gay-lick.

Q. Why did the Irishman cross the road?
A. To pass out in the other ditch.

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Old 03-16-2009, 12:09 PM
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Adult

Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to
the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.

Irish foreplay: "Brace yerself, Brigette"

They're making a new XXX movie. It's about an anorexic Irish
prostitute who hops from bed to bed. Her name's Tramp O'Lean.

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Old 03-16-2009, 12:11 PM
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E

There was this guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish.
He wanted a drink but he couldn't bring himself to buy one.

God invented Guinness bottles with small openings to keep the
Irish from falling in and drowning.

An Irish Toast: May the wind at your back not be the result
of the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch.

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Old 03-17-2009, 11:38 AM
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Adult

Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said, 'Paddy will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?'

'Why?' Paddy asked.

'Because', said Mick 'all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.'

Mick said, 'Silly buggers - the laugh's on them. I wasn't home yesterday!!'

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Old 03-17-2009, 11:49 AM
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Adult

Paddy and Murphy were walking past the local police station when they
saw a sign saying "SCOTTISH RAPIST WANTED". Paddy turns to Murphy and
says, "Aye, but don't the Scots get all the good jobs!"

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Old 03-17-2009, 01:56 PM
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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Old 03-17-2009, 01:58 PM
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
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Old 03-17-2009, 01:59 PM
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Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
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Old 03-17-2009, 02:04 PM
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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
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Old 03-17-2009, 02:12 PM
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Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
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