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Old 03-07-2009, 08:00 PM
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Getting Old

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly
widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," She replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:00 PM
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best
thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:01 PM
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:02 PM
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We've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new
knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy,
winded, and subject to blackouts Have bouts with dementia. Have poor
circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or
92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:02 PM
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission
to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for
seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an
hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:03 PM
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two
final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her
ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:05 PM
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out .
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:06 PM
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:06 PM
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:07 PM
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it
used to be.
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