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Old 02-04-2009, 08:29 AM
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I thought I changed this
 
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True Stories

LICENSE TO STEAL

Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash
machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper
of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front
panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper
off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain
still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached
to the chain, and their license plate still attached
to the bumper.



IN THE BAG

A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in
line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter,
the customs official thought it odd that the golfer
didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked
the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards.
A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf
bag.


MADE FOR TV

"Guns For Hire", an Arizona company specializing in
staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from
a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot.
She was sentenced to four years in jail.



DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay
$9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison
sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged
check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more
years.


YOU MEAN ME?

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot
him.



DEADHEADS

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed
for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that
the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was
driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers
must be alive to qualify.



THIS WOULD BE ME

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon
Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell
and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners
entered the courtroom.



LEARN YOUR LESSON

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with
a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The
judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years
for a schoolteacher to appear before this court", he
smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and
write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred
times."



AHH, THAT'S BETTER!

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little
bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years
for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a
kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001
years.



OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm
into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can
punish the whole individual for an offense committed
by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using
your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's
imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he
detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench,
and walked out.
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Thx Fuzzy Dude


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Old 02-04-2009, 08:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coot View Post
AHH, THAT'S BETTER!

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little
bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years
for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a
kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001
years.

We are known for our leniency here...
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old 02-04-2009, 08:57 AM
coot's Avatar
I thought I changed this
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Technician View Post
We are known for our leniency here...
pffttttt should live here
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Thx Fuzzy Dude


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Old 02-10-2009, 06:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coot View Post
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm
into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can
punish the whole individual for an offense committed
by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using
your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's
imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he
detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench,
and walked out.
ah ha ha did that actually work? lol
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