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Old 12-23-2008, 01:31 PM
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Fuck the world! (conclusion)

Now that you are sufficiently angry and horny, it's time to fuck the world. A person who's actually willing to listen to me might ask: "But how?". Pretty simple actually...



There are many ways to fuck the world, setting aside the obvious "Dig a hole in the ground and make some dirt babies" method, which can lead to some very awkward explanations to 80-year-old neighbours named Doris. Now, if fucking an entire planet appears to be too hard and my expertly written step-by-step explanation is too complicated for your brain, simply do the exact opposite of everything Al Gore does. Otherwise, read ahead...

Here is Frosty's step-by-step guide to fucking the world, now available for free to the public:

Step 1) Start small-scale by destroying the environment around you. Make an area completely uninhabitable by at least one species and hope that a food chain-reaction will follow and destroy the planet as we know it.

For example...there are some woods nearby my house where I've dumped thousands of grocery bags into. I then brought in a hoard of termites to eat the trees and I left rotting meat and opened cans of botulism-infected food with rat poison in them. All this never started the chain reaction I was hoping for, but it made me feel very proud.

Step 2) Stop doing things that help the world. Don't plant or grow anything, don't obey any laws protecting species or environments, release any cattle you may be holding captive and most importantly...don't eat anything! Eating is just ways to thin out over-populated species (and force the crappy species into extinction) and this helps the world.

If billions of humans suddenly stopped eating, millions of species would be drastically affected. First off, bugs would have much more vegetables to eat in areas where they grow naturally (keep in mind we've stopped planting things) and in areas where they don't, species would go extinct, the birds in those areas would have nothing to eat and they would migrate to Australia where the kangaroos are starving to death for lack of food and the birds would be forced to pick them apart and over time adapt to only meat-eating and after even longer be able to kill healthy fully grown kangaroos with one lethal dive-bomb, and when the kangaroos are all dead the birds would migrate everywhere else and begin taking out other mammals at alarming rates, meanwhile all other species of birds have gone extinct because they either have no food or can't compete with the all new hybrid birds, so snakes now have nothing to eat, the worm and insect population is exploding in some areas and disappearing in others, humans have gone into hiding and are resorting to cannibalism, the temperature of the Atlantic would lower dramatically, resulting in global climate shifts that wipe each species out one by one through unprecedented ice ages, years of boiling heat, tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, an earth-splitting volcano explosion and making the world uninhabitable and therefore very lonely. Confused? So am I...but I think it would work!

Step 3) If you've made it to step 3, you obviously screwed up pretty badly on step 2!

Well to hell with you! You'll starve to death with the rest of us and you'll like it. I can't stand around and let you foil my plans of destroying the world. I've already begun the revolution and when we all go underground, you'll be the first to be eaten. There will be nothing left of you but your head, shoulders, knees and toes!

Relax! None of this is really gonna happen...unless they lock me up and throw the key away!
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