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Old 12-23-2008, 11:19 AM
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Do you wish you could take it back?

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take your words back? Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the REAL testimonials of a few women who did...

1) I walked into a hair salon, with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly: "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around, walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

2) I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the handsome gentlemen who worked at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said: "I think I like playing with men's balls..."

3) My sister and I were at the shopping mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied: "No thanks, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, I blushed beyond red and walked away. Needless to say, my sister has never let me forget about it.

4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other clients. I told her that if she did not start behaving, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening: "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell granma that I saw you kissing daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

5) Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go and he said no. I kept thinking: "Oh shit! That child has had an accident and I don't have any change of clothes with me!"
Then I said: "Danny...are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
He said no again. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time: "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled: "SEE MOM?! IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6) This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. This is what happens when the weatherman predicts snow but we don't get any. The female news anchor, who the day after was promised snow by the weatherman, asked him, while on the air: "So Bob, where are those 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too! They were all laughing so hard!

Have you ever had a similar experience? Come on, feed me some laughing gas...
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