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Old 12-16-2008, 01:58 AM
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Adult 15 naughty limericks

Limericks

I sat by the Duchess for tea,
And she asked, " Do you fart when you pee?"
I said with some wit,
"Do you belch when you shit?"
And I felt it was one up for me.

~~~~~

A mortician who practice in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife
"How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, did not budge
Just the same as she'd acted in life."

~~~~~

"Sex is a sin," mused Miss Willow
As she eyed the nude man from her pillow,
"But your equipment's so small
That it's no sin at all
I would term it a mere peccadillo."

~~~~~

Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
How does your garden grow?
"Listen, you brat.
I live in a flat.
How the fuck should I know?"

~~~~~

Little Miss Druggy sat in her buggy,
Smoking an ounce of weed.
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And sold her a pound of speed.

~~~~~

There once was a fellow named Ben,
Who was aroused by the sheep in the pen,
Though he knew it's forbidden,
He was quite parasite ridden,
From trying it every now and then.

~~~~~

A team playing baseball in Dallas
Called the umpire a shit out of malice.
While this worthy had fits
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

~~~~~

No bananas she said, with a sigh,
And a tear trickled down from her eye.
No cukes, no zucchinis,
No Oscar Meyer weenies,
"I'll have to go find me a guy."

~~~~~

There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went on a date with a Builder
She knew that he could
And he should and he would
And he did, and it bloody nigh killed her!

~~~~~

There was a young lady named Gloria,
Who was goosed by Sir Oswald Du Maurier...
And then by six men,
Sir Oswald again,
And the band at the Woldorf Astoria!

~~~~~

I Just Met A Girl From Peru,
Who Likes Off Beat Places To Screw.
We've Done It On Trains,
In Hammocks, On Planes,
And Next Week We'll Try A Canoe.

~~~~~

There Once Was A Man From Peru
Who Was Desperately Hanging Out For A Screw.
He Picked Up A Moll
And Rammed Home His Pole
Then Said, `Jesus, That Was Long Overdue.'

~~~~~

There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Badly Wanted A Screw.
She Tried A Broom-Handle
And The End Of A Candle,
But Threw Them Away For A Jew.

~~~~~

There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Had Nothing Whatever To Do.
So She Sat On The Stairs,
And Counted C*nt Hairs;
Four Thousand, Three Hundred And Two.

~~~~~

There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Regretted Her Lovers Were Few.
So She Walked From Her Door,
With A Fig Leaf, No More.
And Now She's In Bed With The Flu.
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