jokes..........jokes.....and more jokes........

[Texas_Bugman]

A son was placing his father into a nursing home. "Please don't put me in there son!" cried the old man. The son said, "Pop, I can't take care of you & work too. I've checked the place out & it is the best one there is. I think you'll love it." The next day the father called his son & said, "Son, you were right! I LOVE this place it is so great here. Thank you so much for making the decision!" "That's swell dad," said the son. "What makes it so great?" "Well" replied the dad, "Last night I was in my room & from out of nowhere, I got an erection. A nurse came in, saw me & gave me a blowjob! I haven't had one of those in 30 or 40 years! I'd almost forgotten what it was like! It was fantastic!" "That's great dad," said the son. A few days later the father called his son again & said "You have to get me out of here! I hate this place! I can't live here any more!" "What's wrong pop?" asked the son. "Last night I fell down in the hallway. I was getting up & when I was on my hands & knees, a male nurse came along & sodomized me! I CAN NOT and WILL NOT live like this!" The son said, "Dad, I know that's terrible and we'll get it straightened out, but until then, you have to understand, we have to take the good with the bad. Just hang in there". "No son" said the dad. "You don't understand! I get an erection maybe once a year! I fall down two or three times a day!!!!!"

[Texas_Bugman]

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[Texas_Bugman]

A man was in a doctors office and the doctor walked in and said, ok what do you need today sir. The man pulled down his pants and showed the doctor his beat up, bruised, and bleading penis. The doctor said, damn how did you do that? The man said well I live in a trailor, and every night I have noticed that the woman in the trailor next to mine at exactally 9:00pm, she moves her rug where there is a hole in the floor, she sticks a hot dog in the hole and masterbates with it. So one day I got an idea at 8:45pm I would go under her trailor and when she put the hot dog in the hole I would pull it out and stick my penis in the hole. So that night I did, and it was going great untill someone knocked on the door and she tried to kick it under the oven!

[maniac19642003]

Why do men like BMW's?
Cause they can spell it!

How do you kill a man?
Ask him to jump off his ego and land on his IQ!

A drunk man was in a bar claiming he could fly, he was telling anyone who would listen how amazing he was because of this and in the end one of the other patrons got fed up and said to him
"Alright if you can fly prove it!"
And the man said
"Alright I will"
So he walked over to the window and opened it and stepped out and everyone was amazed to see that yes indeed he could fly and the man who had asked him to prove it was so amazed and he wanted to know how it was done
"Easy" said the drunk "Just step out here"
This the man did, and fell the 29 stories to the ground, and the bartender said to the drunk
"You know you can be a real jerk when your drunk Superman"

[maniac19642003]

Q: What's green and smells like Miss Piggy?
A: Kermit's finger.

What's Tulsa backwards? A slut.
And what's a slut backwards? $50

[Hupmathyhat]

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[mark99]

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