7 sex questions

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7 sex questions
Women’s nether regions are often considered terra incognita… mysterious, dark places that are unfamiliar even to women themselves. We think it’s time to shed some light on the matter. So we rounded up sexual health experts to weigh in on subjects that women are typically too red-faced to discuss with their gynecologists – or even their girlfriends. We asked the blunt questions, and they answered. Read on to get the lowdown on what’s really going on down low. And for even more sex ed, take our sexual health quiz…

1. I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. Is something wrong with me?
“If you can’t have orgasms with intercourse, you’re normal,” assures Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, director of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, California. “Sometimes women get upset because their partners say “My last lover could have orgasms, so there must be something wrong with you.”

Now, assuming you don’t kick him to the curb for being an insensitive cad, you’re well within your rights to point out that about 70% of women don’t orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation. You can also clue him in to the fact that it’s perfectly OK for one of you to lend a hand. “Touching your clitoris during sex really ups the chances that you’ll have an orgasm,” says Carol Queen, PhD, staff sexologist for the online sex toy boutique Good Vibrations (goodvibes.com).

If you’ve never experienced an orgasm – and about 10% of women have not – you might consider investing in some slippery lube (not oil, which can irritate sensitive vaginal tissues) and spend some time experimenting alone. Don’t get discouraged if there are no immediate fireworks. “The first time, it might take an hour of stimulation to produce an orgasm; it might also take many tries to get comfortable with the feelings of strong arousal,” says Buehler.


2. Where’s my G spot?
That’s the million-dollar sex question. Some researchers don’t believe in the G spot; others staunchly defend its existence but disagree about its exact location. One school of sex researchers maintains that the G spot is the glandular tissue around the urethra (found behind your pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina). Others believe it’s really farther back, in a triangular area on the back of the bladder wall – called the trigone or T Zone – where three nerves come together. It’s probably some combination of these. But if your partner’s plucking the right strings, so to speak, does it matter which instrument he’s playing?

3. Can anal sex give me hemorrhoids?
Not as long as you’re relaxed and enjoying it, assures Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator/counselor and co-founder of A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin (a-womans-touch.com). Hemorrhoids (painful swollen veins in the anal area) can result from excess pressure around your anus – say, when you’re really straining to go to the bathroom. But when you use a good lubricant and the penetration feels comfortable, not forced, there’s no risk of “backdoor sex” causing hemorrhoids.

In fact, some sex researchers believe tush play may actually prevent hemorrhoids. “It improves the strength and flexibility of the skin and muscles so that the anus is better able to respond to pressure, rather than bulging and producing hemorrhoids,” says Barnard.

4. Why don’t my privates look like a centerfold’s?
Beyond the extensive airbrushing magazine photos undergo, the hard truth is that even if you started with a nice, tight package, child birthing changes everything. Once you push a couple of 8- to 10-pound babies through the birth canal, things down there are gonna look more like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag than a cute little change purse.

Indeed, according to Bruce Rosenzweig, MD, director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, some women’s vaginas sag so much that they complain of discomfort while walking.

Age is, not surprisingly, another culprit. You don’t expect to look like the pouty-lipped young things in Clearasil ads when you’re 45, right? Well, just as the lips around your mouth can thin with age, so can the lips in your southern hemisphere. “Women lose fat in that area, the elasticity and tone of the tissue decreases and the inner vaginal lips droop,” explains Dolores Kent, MD, a Beverly Hills ob/gyn and cosmetic surgeon.

But in the same way women can opt for Restalyne or collagen to fill and plump, those who want to recapture the vaginas of their youth can have labiaplasty (trimming up the inner lips) and/or perinealplasty (tightening the vaginal opening). Although some women “have their vaginas done” because vaginal changes cause medical problems or make sex uncomfortable, Dr. Kent says that 85% of the women who come to her for such procedures are worried about aesthetics. “They’ve seen the men’s magazines and feel their vulvas aren’t pretty,” she says

5. If I’m uncomfortable with how I smell down there, can I change it?
Sure, but you’re probably worrying needlessly,says Mary Jane Minkin, MD, clinical director of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine in New Haven, Connecticut. “Most of the women who come in saying I smell really bad smell fine,” she says. Still, if you’re concerned, see your gyn because strong odor (and discharge) is a sign of a bacterial infection. If there’s no infection and you’re still worried about your scent, avoiding spicy or pungent foods may help, says Rosenzweig.

Minkin often recommends an over-the-counter product called Rephresh that rebalances the vagina’s pH and makes you more fragrant. Don’t use douches or feminine sprays. Not only are they irritating, they can alter the vagina’s natural flora, which increases your risk of getting an infection and can mask an existing one.

6. Do I have a greater risk for infection if my genitals are pierced?
“It’s probably not a great idea to have foreign objects around your genitalia because areas that are prone to moisture and intimate contact are very attractive to bacteria,” says Rosenzweig. “But if you have great hygiene and a normal immune system, a genital piercing isn’t going to increase your risk for yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.”

Still, some people always have a little redness or irritation around pierced areas, even when they’re in ho-hum spots like ears, noses or navels. So, if your piercing seems perpetually inflamed, take it out.


7. If I have been diagnosed with HPV once in the past, do I still have it? And am I still at risk for cervical cancer?
If you’ve had sex, you’ve probably bumped into human papilloma virus (HPV) – about 80% of sexually active people have been exposed to at least one of the 30 known strains of HPV. However, in the vast majority of cases – 90% – the infection clears up on its own. Odds are, you won’t even realize you had it. The thing to keep in mind is that while most HPV viruses come and go without notice, about 10 strains can increase your risk of developing cervical cancer.

The best way to protect yourself is with routine Pap tests, which look for changes in the cervix that could eventually become cancer. “We don’t know why some women develop cervical cancer and others don’t,” says Thomas Herzog, MD, director of the division of gynecologic oncology at Columbia University in New York City. “But there are millions of women with HPV and just over 11,000 cases of cervical cancer in the U.S. each year, so if you’re screened regularly, it’s very unlikely you’ll develop cervical cancer. And if you did it would be caught extremely early and likely completely cured.”

Most women over 30 who’ve had three consecutive normal Paps are now advised to be screened only every two to three years. If you’re under 26, consider getting the new HPV vaccine, Gardasil, which protects against the four main strains of HPV responsible for about 70% of cervical cancers.

Test Your Sexual Health IQ
So, you know about birds, bees and that Tab A goes into Slot B. But there's so much more to know about getting it on, especially when it comes to your sexual health. Find out what you may have missed in Sex Ed class with this sexual health quiz.